The Fantasy Picnic v The Reality

My new bike that doesn't clunk and feel like its about to collapse whilst riding!

PICK ME! PICK ME! My hand is straight up on this one with the other firmly grasping it behind my head - you know like you used to do at school.  I am entering my second competition on my blog (the first being a Skylander one for the kids). We didn't win, got a runners up prize of a Skylander that everyone had, still you can't win them all and generally we don't!

The Kids Bikes - what a lovely sight

So without further ado this is to win a family 4 day break at a Center Parcs resort in the UK.  The reason this caught my eye was the cycling bit. As my regular readers know, we love cycling in this family.  So much so that I organised a free after school cycling club (not proficiency I'm talking proper riding your bike) with the help of British Cycling which has proved to be very popular. Its wonderful to see so many children, who don't get a chance to use their bikes in urban South London, having the freedom to ride their bikes properly.

We are so excited about this years forthcoming Tour de France and whether Bradley or Chris Froome will both try and go for the title although I don't see how this is possible. In the meantime we've been watching the Giro D' Italia. I digress. The thought of having a 4 day cycle fest appealed to us very much. Plus we've never been to a Center Parcs.

Last outing circa 2003

My fantasy picnic 

The brief, in short, is to have a picnic and blog about it. Well as it so happens myself, buddy, 'M' and her little son did have a picnic down at the farm for his 3rd birthday.

Now I would love to tell you that I made a home made pork pie (even though I don't like the jelly stuff, they do look nice), fancy quiche, sausage rolls (just like my Auntie makes) and all manner of fantasy picnic fare but, alas, that wasn't the case.  In fact, I reckon the fantasy picnic will happen when I'm about 50 at this rate. I do own a lovely picnic hamper which has been gathering dust in the 'lego' room for quite some time. I reckon it got an airing about 9 years ago pre-children. I have now vowed, to take it out for a jolly this summer, as it is just wasted sitting there all rejected and lonesome. I mean it even has a thermos flask - that's proper grown up stuff people. Typical though isn't it? I'm going to start using it when I'm now buggyless. Buggies are great for loading up stuff like a carthorse. I used to pride myself on the amount of goods I could carry without it toppling - now I have to carry stuff.

In the absence of my fantasy picnic it was a 'tin foil all round' type affair. The food consisted of bread sticks, cocktails sausages, crisps, the token healthy option of tomatoes and cucumber, home made cupcakes (a slap dash job as his birthday cake had taken its toll) and my trusted Ryvita.  Not remotely glamorous but quick and easy. We did, however, have proper mugs of tea and cappuccino from the farm shop.

My trusted ruck sac that's been with me since 1997 in my backpacking around Europe days

Now how about this! Ryvita with marmite can't say fairer than that now can I?

Get us with our proper mugs!

Buddy says "that way for Ryvita"

Well we did have a rug, plastic plates and I do believe I can see some Tupperware

So Center Parc officialnardos please pick us and we'll give the Bradley Wiggins 'yay we won' salute!

Until  next time....

The Facebook Horror

Happened last night. The one thing you don't want to happen on Facebook happened. Guessed yet? Well let me tell you all about it....

...I often chat with my bare with buddy (see previous post) via instant messaging on Facebook. Can you see where I'm going with this? Anyhow, during the evening I decide to send a rather damming article about a certain councillor to her and another person via the message function.  Now 'M', later on in the evening, responds to said message along the lines of yeah that's rubbish etc and we make jokey comments about the councillor.  All is okay until the conversation merrily moves along to have you seen what X has written on Facebook. I remark "no I haven't am heading over now - god I sound like Y" and after reading I say something along the lines of "she needs to get laid!"

I also declare that someone messaged me what they have emailed someone else (sorry if this is all a bit cryptic but I have been scarred for life on this one!) and 'M' remarks "yarp (love that word will have to adopt it) she did say that and it could have been written by you" i.e great minds and all that. I then say "yay well and truly brainwashed" in that great people are on the same wave length. We then chat further about a certain meeting (which the other person hasn't been privy too) where I had likened it to the scene with Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder - now if you haven't seen this you must. Here's a clip its only short, please have a look you tube.

Our intimate merry banter continues along the lines of  "love you" and  "he (her husband) says we need to get a room" "your husband is just jealous of us" etc. I mean this was proper 15 year old school girl conversation going down. You know the "he said, she said" type that you shouldn't be having when you're nearly 40!

Then I happen to look up at the top of the message feed - two names - TWO NAMES!!! I feel sick, I feel panicky, I'm quietly muttering (the husbands watching football) "oh no, oh no, oh no" - what to do, what to do?! Meanwhile 'M' is merrily typing away oblivious to the error of our ways. Oh stop 'M' please stop! But I can't tell her on this feed as the other person will know that we know and she knows and its just .....arggghhhhhhhhh.  Think missus, think. I quickly message 'M' separately and type "shit, shit, shit, get the fuck off Facebook" but she hasn't seen this she's still typing on the joint instant message. I leap off the sofa and grab my phone, my hand is shaking, I phone her "STOP TYPING" - "what, what is it?!" "Z CAN SEE!"

Now nothing much fazes our 'M' she laughs and says well we haven't said anything bad. Are you kidding me - what "she needs to get laid" isn't bad (that wasn't about the recipient by the way)? Then we have to go back through the messages and I'm desperately trying to delete the thread. I am able to do it - great but 'M''s laughing saying no its still there. The other person has yet to see all this and I'm trying to sort the mess of my making whilst cursing Facebook at the same time. Then ding - the green light goes on. You know the one that tells you who is currently on line to receive all messages. Yarp that one. Too late. Damage done.

I feel bad as although I am gossipy I'm not nasty and I wouldn't want someone to think that I was.  I mean it could have been SO much worse.

We carry on and say oh look sorry you've had to see our ramblings.  That was my evening yesterday. Damage limitation.

To be fair we didn't slag her off or, in real terms, anyone else. It was all good banter and a bit childish but I wouldn't like to repeat that experience again. I am still haunted by the what ifs of yesterday. 

Z was very nice the next morning and said thanks for the article I assumed I wasn't meant to read the rest but I did as I'm nosey. I said no its all good - read away!

And that my friends is Facebook Horror.

Until next time...................

EbayGate

So, I just about managed to sell my bike. I say just about as 4 hours prior to bidding ending, I get an email from the highest bidder. He tells me his partner has bid on my bike by accident. Are you frigging kidding me? Not again! This happened last time with my daughters "for parts" dropped Nintendo DS. Don't people read the description? He said he was sorry blah blah blah.

I replied saying that old chestnut and if people read things properly then maybe 'partners' wouldn't bid on things by 'accident'. Why can't people just say whoops sorry it was me rather than blame it on the imaginary person? Last time the bidder said it was their daughter that bid by 'accident' and got a stern telling off. Fine but that doesn't help me sell my tat now does it?!

Anyhow it ended amicably enough our little ebay exchange.  He said my comments were noted and he was truly sorry - I did joke that she should be made to buy the bike as punishment but he didn't take me up on that. 

So enter the nutter (see previous post). I gave him the second chance thingy which he did and paid via paypal. I've given him my address even though one of his email's subject said this:-

Subject: Stan ( ret Windsor Angel ),, trundler,...

I mean seriously what is all this about?! I said to the hubster I'd very much like for him to be around when or if this fruit picks up my bike.  I'm very tempted to just refund the £25 and say the bike has broken down.  I said what if he's going to murder me to which the husband said "no one's that lucky!" followed by "yes murderers normally pay £25 via paypal don't they" cue various other comments like "have you checked his purchase history - has he bought 20 second hand bikes and have all the owners been murdered!" followed by "I don't know who's more the fruit you or him". 

In the last hour he's sent this:-

allo. May days over & the bike runs are over for a few days, so if its OK to collect the Trundler wed,  8 may , lunch time, .fine by me if its not then let us know, thanking you, Angel Stan....(number)...landline..over to you Batman...

Like I'm going to be alone at 1pm tomorrow - I think not. However, I have worked out all the Angel trundler business. I reckon he's a hells angel re the reference to bike runs and the trundler is my trusted bike. I reckon he's about late 40's/early 50's. I'd love to say are you aware you write like a 10 year old - actually that's insulting to a 10 year old. 

In other news, I've had a lovely day - little Buddy is 3 today.  We went to Peppa Pig World (a separate post for that one) on Sunday and today I took him to a lovely farm with my friend (see bare with post) with her little boy. We practically had the farm to ourselves and the weather was glorious. I will post pictures and a step by step guide to a Fireman Sam cake later on in the week.

In other, other news I went for a bike ride Sunday, I have been filling in my Vegas log and I forgot to weigh in what with the Bank Holiday and all.  I will try and fit in my weights workout tomorrow in between getting this house in order and the weekly shop.

Until next time....

Gary Lineker in a box...

..is what I thought might be my 'cheeky' surprise from Walkers crisps.  There is no denying he has looked after himself old Gazza hasn't he.  My sister won't mind me telling, that she had a thing for Mr Lineker back in the day. Maybe not so much now - she's into Mr Cumberland Snatch Benedict or whatever his name is - can't see it myself but hey each to their own.

Unsurprisingly Gary didn't feature in the box which housed the new kids healthy snack of  'hoops and crosses'. We did, instead, get a 'cheeky' little monkey - christened 'Millie Monkey' and was stealthily taken by my daughter to her bedroom before the other two staked a claim.

So what of the snack?  Firstly given that this a diet blog I thought we'd give them a try. I like wholegrain and so does my daughter although not so much my eldest. In fact, he's such a nightmare when it comes to food that I often threaten him with the 'food doctor'.  My kids do have crisps but only at the weekend - everything in moderation and all that even if they are the healthier option.

I like they come in smaller gram bags - 18g so less crisps to eat and are 85 cal - by the way I have recently purchased a calorie counter book more of which later. I tried one (remember Frazzle attack?) and they were very nice - I have yet to taste a bad crisp have you?

Anyhow, I noticed we received a very retro 'roast beef' flavour. I wondered if we could play noughts and crosses on the table - my clean table I hasten to add - but that lasted about 50 seconds as I had to explain an imaginary grid and naturally the kids just wanted to eat them as quickly as possible.


...not really getting a look in...

The Walkers Monkey ready to play..

.....kids give Hoops and Crosses a thumbs up consumed in less than 60 seconds and Monkey is less than impressed.


I received monetary compensation for writing this review but as my regular readers know, my opinions are always brutally honest and If we didn't like them we'd tell you. Plus I need a new bike.

Bare With, Bare With......Back!

'M' aka 'Tilly' adopting a Bare With....Bare With....Back! Pose. Picture My Own!

This is my friend - she's my bestie as we call each other. Yes, we've only known each over for 3 years but its like we've been together forever. My hubster calls her "my little friend" and her hubster says "crikey you two together are a force to be reckoned with." They're just jealous. Nothing is off limits. I love her.

Lets call her 'M' to protect her loosely covered identity seen here in this picture. She is surgically attached to her smart phone. There are days I want to rip that god dam thing out of her hand and just fling it as far as I can and say "what you gonna do now missus?" However, she is proper hard and I know she'd knock me out with one clean swipe!

To be fair sometimes she lets go of the phone which is ordinarily cupped in her hand and places it on the arm of the settee. Its her way of saying "look I can sit here and not look at my phone" She can't - she will casually, whilst chatting, have a look over. She can't help herself. She needs therapy. Phone therapy.

Today, she reminded me of Tilly out of Miranda. Have you ever seen that programme? Much like 'M' she is constantly looking at her phone and whilst doing so says "bare with....bare with...bare with...bare with...BACK!"

'M' is now on an imposed (by me) smart phone detox programme whereby she has to try and manage 1 hour without looking at her phone which, by the way, does the most annoying whistle thing whenever she gets an update of any sort.  The pressing urgency today, to interrupt my speaking, was reading her sisters reply of  "lol" sent after 'M' had told her she hadn't shaved her pits.

Having said all this I think I would have withdrawal symptoms if she no longer carried her poxy phone. Its a part of her - love 'M' love her phone. I would miss the stupid penguin case on the back and the even more annoying little whistle that goes with it. And to top it all she wouldn't be at my constant beck and call and respond to messages, emails and phone calls immediately.

And I couldn't be having that now could I?

Until Next time....

The Three Day Rule

No its not a new diet like the latest one - what's it called 5 and 2?  Eat normally for 5 days and starve yourself for 2. Rock on! It works by all accounts.  Or here's a thought eat normally for 7 days? Speaking of which the Las Vegas log is certainly working (okay its only day 3) but still.  Haven't been able to exercise since my weights on Monday as I've had a touch of flu. I had to cancel my filing as my teeth were aching. I thought this probably wouldn't help my condition - coupled with the fact that £95 would remain in my bank account for a few days longer. I think dentists are another blog post altogether. I'll get back to the job in hand.

Okay, 'The Three Day Rule'. I think it warrants caps and quotation marks.  I'm talking about holidays but not just any old holiday, holidays with friends - people you know.

Now the other day my sister and I got a talking about various holidays and I mentioned my friend was on holiday in Florida with another couple and her children - two families off on their jollies.  She stiffened up a little on the chair, pulled a funny face and said "three day rule" - say what? "yup, three day rule" she replied.  She then proceeded to tell me that there are only two couples in the entire world that she would happily spend more than 3 days on holiday with.  The Three Day Rule.

My sister has lots of friends, friends she's known for decades but there isn't a cat in hells chance she'd spend more than three days in their company.  She has learnt from bitter experience that friends can drive you nuts on holiday. There is no escape. You get to learn things about them, quite frankly, you'd rather not. Take for instance a barge trip (nothing quite like a confined space!) with 'friends' and my other sister (they're twins) and I am the forgotten one - yes my sister leaves all her money to my other sister and horses if she dies. I think that needs to change. Don't you?! Anyhow, all she recalls from that holiday was her size 8 friend moaning that she was fat whilst strutting around in a skimpy bikini opening the locks for the barge.

I asked my friend what she thought of my sisters' Three Day Rule' - she said they enjoyed going on holiday with the other family but feels they might not feel the same way about going on holiday with them again! Mainly to do with how she thought her kids would have been perceived. That's another spanner isn't it- children. How you handle your kids, how the friends' kids deal with this that and the other - potential explosion!!

I'm pretty sure me and my ex-boyfriend would be on The Three Day Rule list. In fact, the friend who went to Florida may well confirm this as she was with us - young foursome on a holiday to Lanzarote.  He liked a drink so he did. However, once drunk he'd like to pick a fight with any passing German and we'd have to diffuse the situation by getting him back to the villa (separate ones thank goodness) where he would promptly throw up in all the bed sheets. Nice. Oh that and hiring a jeep, taking it off road on a beach and blowing the tyre. We changed the tyre and noticed the sticker that said "do not take this vehicle off road" but instead of turning back like any normal person he decides to press on. I can barely talk about this as we all thought we were going to die that day. He drove us up a single, dirt track mountain road with a sheer drop the other side. That is no exaggeration. The jeep was rocking from side to side and even my friend's boyfriend was screaming.  It took at least 2 hours to climb this thing, the jeep ran out of petrol and we had to drive back in neutral. That is reason number 354 he is my ex-boyfriend.

So, what do you think of The Three Day rule?

Until next time....

Monday Weigh In

Well hello there -1lb this week. I think that the 8 mile bike ride did a bit of good. Having said this I've still got a long way to go and to be honest I'm a bit bored of plodding along. So without further ado I have taken some action. You will see at the top of the blog there is a new page called Las Vegas Target. I am not very good at keeping my food diary (exercise is easy) so this is to re-focus me.

I am always busy on a Monday but I was so determined to cram a little 30 minute workout in today that I did the weights dvd using 5kg in each hand.  My arms are a little sore it has to be said but did you know that you can lose up to 25% more if you weight train than if you just do cardio? Well there you go!

In other news, I am selling my bike on ebay. It has had a good innings but I feel the whole pedal part is about to come off when I'm cycling. I did get a free service from Halfords but the chap said if he ordered parts etc it'll cost £60 to fix.  Seeing as you can get a mountain bike for £100 it looks like I'll have a new bike by the end of the week. Yay! So I popped my bike on ebay and this is a message I got:-

nutter - allo, frame & wheel size,s ta!

me - have no idea but I'm 5ft 5 if that helps

nutter - 5,10 me, but i,m a bloke..reason is thro a spinal op, well wired up trip any customs detector.easy. I have a mens bike but cant lift leg over ( keep it real ..heard them all ) or off & keep falling over,...so idea was a step thro..click simples,...well thats the theorey...latters...

The bike is up for 99p - seriously this is why I don't put much on ebay!

Until next time....